WELL, THAT WAS FUN…

Hogwarts Brazil celebrating their Quidditch Conferations Cup Title

So the US Men’s soccer team took their turn at center stage, advancing spectacularly (and with spectacular luck) to the finals of the FIFA Confederations Cup. We were told by many national publications that this was a big deal, and obviously the storied history of the tournament (established in 1992 by Saudi Arabia, who called it the King Fahd Cup (clearly their marketing team did some research on global demographics), since renamed and called the Confederations Cup and only played every 4 years, etc.) made for some good theater when the Americans made their unexpected run.

Before talking about the disappointment of the championship match, it’s worth going back and recapping how the American actually found themselves with a chance at the title. Two weeks ago, the US opened play in the tournament and got absolutely dusted by Italy, losing 3-1 in a game that wasn’t nearly that close. The Italians had 10 corner kicks to America’s one, and America’s Tim Howard, who spent much of the championship bracket standing on his head in nets made 6 saves to Italy’s 3.

(Action packed, I know…)

The American’s followed up that loss with another no-show performance, losing to Brazil 3-0 and essentially putting the entire team’s roster spot in question. As a casual American soccer fan (which means I’ll watch soccer if football, baseball, basketball, hockey, softball, golf, boxing, and HBO is showing another terrible episode of that women’s detective agency show), it solidified the thought process that most casual sports fans have: We suck at soccer… and more importantly — the guys that we get to play soccer aren’t tough enough to hack it in any other sport.

How can you question Clint Dempsey’s toughness?

Yet something miraculous happened last Sunday. For the US to have any chance at advancing in the tournament it had to beat Egypt by 3 goals and the World Cup champions Italy had to lose to Brazil by 3 goals. I won’t blatantly plagiarize what I read in this week’s Sports Illustrated (Joe Mauer on the cover… Very nice), but somehow it actually happened. Sure, the Egyptians lost because they got robbed by a bunch of hookers a few nights earlier (true), but finally our men’s soccer team — which has been shoved down our throats as something we should be proud of for years — actually did something clutch.

“All of the critics in America who said we were no good after losing to Italy and Brazil, let’s see what they say now,” striker Michael Bradley said after the game, clearly feeling a little chipper after burying his first goal of the tourney.

And just when I thought a stupid quote by the coaches kid would lose me forever as a US men’s soccer fan, defender Jonathan Bornstein said this. “It’s like that quote from ‘Dumb and Dumber:’ ‘So you’re telling me there’s a chance.’ That’s all we kept saying.”

Just when you think they couldn’t get any worse…

Advancing in the tournament meant the US had to play Spain, who apparently is pretty good. Even though the American were outshot 29-9, they triumphed over the Spaniards, winning 2-0, and drawing comparisons to the 1980 Olympic hockey team and the Miracle on Ice. (While the comparison couldn’t be any dumber or misguided, what shouldn’t be lost in all of this is that it was an incredible win.) They beat a team that had a 35-game unbeaten streak. It was the kind of win that draws casual fans like me in, people who don’t know the nuances of the game, but know our goalie is making incredible saves and our guys are hustling and our defenders are doing everything they can to stop the more talented team from winning. It was an American performance by a team that by every definition hadn’t been playing like America should.

“It goes to show what hard work and commitment to each other can bring,” goalkeeper Tim Howard said. “Sometimes soccer football is a funny thing.”

You go and do something like that… and totally redeem yourself.

At halftime of the championship game, the US had a 2-0 lead. I actually stopped watching a Twins game to watch a soccer game, deciding that this would be something that a real sports fan should want to watch. I even texted a few other people about the game, telling them it’d be worth tuning in to watch. Another friend updated his facebook profile and said, “I don’t always watch USA Soccer, but when I do, I chose to drink Dos Equis.” We were all drinking the Kool-Aid.

And then, of course, we lost.

2nd Place is good enough… for now.

I probably will never be able to explain the intricacies of the “beautiful game” well enough to breakdown how our defense fell apart in those last 45 minutes. Yet as a sports fan, we all understood what was happening. Momentum is momentum in any sport, whether it soccer, football, basketball, hockey or baseball. When the US gave up that first one in under a minute, you knew immediately that we were in some kind of trouble. The final goal by Brazil on a corner kick finished off a miracle run that American soccer needed to legitimize itself. And in a way, the loss was better for the team than the victory. If the goal for American is to get to the top, a victory here would’ve been a false positive on a midterm exam. Nobody remembers Confederations Cups. There is the World Cup, there is the Olympics, and that is it.

And while I’ll never become attached to a sport where the best player on the field wheres black finger gloves to stay warm and the Brazillian goalie wears a neck warmer even though the high temperatures in Johannesburg were in the 60s, the US’s performance this week served notice that maybe our boys in shin pads have a chance to do us proud. There performance this week was a step in the right direction.

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